I had a really hard time writing this, probably because it comes from such an honest place. And I know that when it comes down to it, I really don’t have anything to complain about. I have a job with a solid company, a wonderful, supportive family, and a husband who loves me dearly. I have friends, food, a home, and more than enough money to get by. So I feel stupid for feeling this way, but right now, I do.
Maybe it’s because I’ve come so accustomed to instant gratification. Want that shirt? No problem. Two clicks and a couple days later, it magically appears at my doorstep. Waiting seems to be nearly non-existent these days, right? Or maybe it’s because I’m just being entirely too hard on myself. I expect a lot, maybe the best. Am I spreading myself too thin? Or am I not pushing myself hard enough? Regardless of the reason, I feel frustrated.
Frustrated that I’m not doing what I want career-wise. Frustrated that I don’t have the exact answer of what I want to be doing. Frustrated that I haven’t met the goals I thought I would have at this point. Frustrated that so-and-so seems to have it all figured out. Frustrated that I’m not giving my all to whatever. Frustrated that I’m wasting my time with these feelings.
Please don’t get me wrong, rationally I know how silly I’m being. I get it. I know that comparing myself to other people is stupid and a gigantic waste of time, but hey, I’m human. Most likely, one of my friends out there is thinking I’m the one who has it together. (Ha!)
I’m not trying to have a pity party. I know I don’t deserve any sympathy, nor am I looking for it. This is just something I needed to get out, to release, and to let go. Honestly, I’m already feeling better.